First semester is almost over and I'm very worried about how this whole college thing is going to go. I love my roommate, I have great friends, but everything is so much more complicated than that. During high school, I always looked to college as a source of hope and consolation because I was so unhappy but now it seems as though my unhappiness has nothing to do with where I am. It's just me. I am just...not a happy person. Not now, anyway. I'm trying to be happy and healthy and productive and positive but it's so much harder than "looking on the bright side." But one good thing has happened today. I found out that one of my friends down the hall from my room has been feeling the same way that I have all along. And that helps so much. We talked for hours, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with us that we couldn't just be happy. Perhaps it's just who we are. We're thinkers. We're in our heads. We're either really really high, taking good care of ourselves, laughing, having a good outlook, or really really REALLY low. Dangerously low.
I am flying home on wednesday though. Home sweet fricken home....Honestly. The phrase, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" has taken on a whole new meaning for me."